Before getting married


Source: http://www.zawaj.com

My dear sister, friend & daughter,

Probably you’ve been dreaming of being a bride since your childhood, and after you chose the one you love, you started dreaming of having the best life with him.

As I’ve always been a realistic dreamer and as I spent nearly half my life in partnership with my husband, and as I feel complete compassion with every bride-to-be: I would like to share with you this piece of advice hoping that you will read carefully every word because simply I mean it:

– Marriage is a great gift from Allah, and as you grow older you will learn that great gifts cost high prices, and need great care and effort to preserve. So, you will have both to work hard continually to make it work, and from my experience, the wife is the one who will have to exert more effort, that’s why I’m addressing you in this message.

– You ought to have a broad vision to your life in general, and put marriage in its proper position & weight; it is important, it is a priority, he’s one way to Paradise, yet it is a PART of your life. So never neglect “YOURSELF” the student, the daughter, the sister, the friend, the teacher, the designer, the doctor, the writer…. Whatever you are.
– When you have the true understanding of life, a strong relationship with Allah SWT, you will see problems in their right size, thus you will be able to pass them, and you will have this inner peace that will allow you to spread it to your husband and kids Insha’Allah.
– It’s always better not to let anybody between you & your husband & you have to agree on this, yet it’s better also to choose someone you both agree on before the existence of any problem, so that in worst cases –may Allah save you from any problem- you both had done everything but it didn’t work & you had to ask for help from a third party, you have to agree now from the beginning who that person would be, preferably none of your parents.

– Most men are visual characters, so make sure he always sees you in a good look, good scent….. new styles…..

– Do what a woman should do, & let him do what a man should do. Don’t volunteer to do men’s job then come whine afterwards when this becomes the default. Believe me: no one is happy
with mixing roles.
– Perfectly, you should read surat Albaqara every 3 days to keep Shaytan (Devil) out of your house, but if you can’t do this, so at least turn it on frequently, read it when you notice a spark of a problem – again may Allah save you from any problem. And never forget Athkar & Ruqya for your protection.

– One last thing for the wedding night if you don’t mind 😉 make sure you have a lubricant for the first nights, you can buy (K-Y Jel) from any pharmacy, it’s for several purposes (so don’t be embarrassed). You will need it till everything is normal, and also at this point, make sure you are relaxed & discuss everything you both need, give yourself a chance, things will be better by time Insha’Allah.

Will be back with other tips for marital life… So stay tuned J

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4 thoughts on “Before getting married

  1. Dear heba, i really find your article very inspiring and wise.. u seem to know much abt marriage and i agree on most parts of ur article. i have been married for over 5 yrs now and i have converted to islam out of love for Allah and my husband that i love dearly. my husband and i have studied the quran and the sunah and are living by it as our new way of life.. he has recently been hinting that he wants to remarry a second wife despite that our relationship is wonderful.. i am taken aback and dont know what to do or think!! i really need your help and advice on what i should do.. our relationship has its ups and downs as every couple does.. but overall the positive in our relationship is more than the negative! we have a beautiful kid (Ali) who is now 3.. i know that my husband has the right to remarry 4 if he wants but i find it difficult to swallow all this… i am concerned about where our relationship will go to and what might the future bring for our family!! pls help!!

    Aisha

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